The month of September means the kids are back in school.

In the world of schools, September translates into “find a new post-summer friend to hang out with.” New “friends” mean new relationships. In most cases, new school relationships mean new drama.

To those of you who are all snuggled up in healthy relationships (I pray you know what healthy relationships look like), you already realize that you kinda’, sorta’ need to be “friends” with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Relationships seem not to last so long when your mate is not very friendly to you. I suggest that you choose your friends wisely.

Please read this next line very carefully (twice for those with attention deficits): Your heart and mind will be better served if you exercise even greater wisdom before choosing a mate.

With that said, how do you go about picking a boyfriend or girlfriend?

What is it that you should be looking for? How many two-hour phone calls are enough before making the decision to “go steady?” Each of us has a mental picture of Mr. or Ms. Right. Our mind supplies us with a pretty clear physical description of the perfect mate. So, the natural tendency is to select a mate that meets, or exceeds, the mental picture in our head. What’s wrong with that? Nothing really, except that the picture in our mind is very often one-dimensional. It is only a shadow or outline of what we think we want.

A wise adage reads, “Be careful what you ask for, you just may get it.”

If your idea of the perfect mate is based on physical characteristics, where does “emotion” get added into the picture? Emotions are a lot like volcanoes; they don’t get much attention until an eruption is about to occur. Unfortunately, for most young people, emotion doesn’t become a factor until the middle of class changes in a crowded school hallway when someone whispers something that starts with, “Did you hear …?” Or, emotion becomes a factor in the cyber world of Somebody-Else’s-Space, when an e-picture invites your old mate to be their new friend. When emotions are considered before relationships begin, they are like the tiny little rudder that guides a big ship. When emotions are considered after relationships have ended, they are like the tiny little iceberg that sank the big ship.

Don’t worry young world; there is hope.

You can lessen the frequency and severity of emotional eruptions by adding dimension to your picture of the ideal mate. Before you can love someone else, you absolutely must love yourself. It pays to at least have an idea of what you’re looking for, before you go out looking. And even then, don’t feel as though you need to get locked into a relationship after a couple of conversations. Surround yourself with positive people. Never compromise what you believe and continue to work toward your own goals. Love yourself and trust your heart – everything else (I do mean every thing) will fall into place in due time.

Relationships have ruined good friendships. They have also changed bad mates into great friends. Relationships can be unpredictable, unfair and unmerciful. But, the good ones are worth working for and the bad ones … Let’s just say that the bad ones help us to know what the good ones look like.

Be young. Have fun.